We’ve all been there. Your kid is at the end of their allotted screen time, and you give them the “five-minute warning.” They nod or say “okay,” but in reality, they’re zoned out, because when you return, they throw a fit, beg for more time, or flat-out refuse to turn off the device. The good news is that child psychiatrist Dr. Jeremy Chapman has a way to warn kids that screen time is over that doesn’t end in an all-out battle of wills. He explains how collaborative transitioning works in a recent TikTok.
@dr.adhd Children are more likely to go along with a decision when they have a sense of ownership in it. This is one of the simplest ways to give your kid co-ownership of the decision to stop playing or watching. #adhdparenting #autismparents #parentingtips #childpsychiatrist #childrensmentalhealth
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According to Dr. Chapman, ending screen time and transitioning to something else runs more smoothly when your child co-owns the transition. “If you yell out from another room, ‘Okay, five minutes left, and then we’re done with TV time,’ it’s not going to work. Your kid did not hear you just now. They’re focused on what they’re watching or playing,” he explains. Simply put, your child is not an active part of the transition when you call out a request or order and expect them to comply.
Dr. Chapman explains why it’s so important for kids to be zoned in on you instead of zoned out on the screen. “To respond to what you said, they have to have actually processed and internalized and comprehended what you said.”
As Katherine Martinelli states in an article for Child Mind Institute, “When helping kids with transitions, getting their attention is important. You can try making eye contact, sitting next to them, putting your hand on their shoulder, or even asking them to repeat back what you said.”
Here’s the tactic Dr. Chapman thinks is most effective. “Say, all right, do you want five more minutes or seven more minutes? Of course, they’re going to pick the higher one. But once they say that, two things have happened: One, I know they’ve heard me, and two, they have selected a time and now have ownership of that amount of time.”
Collaborative transitioning is effective because when you give kids the power to participate in a situation, you give them control over their environment. And by giving them control, they’ll be more willing to move from one situation to the next because in their minds, they’re part of the decision.
Like any parenting tool, it probably won’t work every time, but here’s hoping it saves you a meltdown or six.