If we’ve seen one baby shower trend, we’ve seen them all: nesting parties, sprinkles, sip-and-sees, display showers, and the list goes on. Now, there’s a new trend making its way through social media, and it’s causing a lot of buzz—but not necessarily in a good way. If you haven’t heard of “grandma showers,” just wait!
Yup, these fetes are exactly as they sound—a baby shower that’s not for expecting parents, but for expecting grandparents. Friends and neighbors gather to toast a new grandparent with a celebratory lunch or brunch, sometimes complete with games and even gifts that vary from car seats to babyproofing gear.
Needless to say, the idea of a grandparent hosting a party to celebrate a new grandbaby has people divided on whether it’s appropriate. A majority of opinions lean towards it not only being unnecessary and over the top, but also over the line. Some people, however, say it depends on how it’s approached.
Are Grandma Showers Appropriate?
According to Parents, it’s important to remember what baby showers are meant to be in the first place. Yes, the carseat/stroller combo is nice, but it’s more about helping new parents prepare for a new stage in life. Writer Elisabeth Sherman explains, “the point is to acknowledge that the parents—in particular the person giving birth—are about to undergo a profound physical, emotional, and mental transition that will change their way of life permanently.”
And while grandparents have every right to be excited and want to be prepared when that little nugget comes to call, they won’t be learning how to breastfeed, doing night feedings, dealing with blowouts or colic, or recovering from carrying a human for nine months. They’ve already been there, done that.
So, looking at it from this angle, then no, a grandma shower isn’t all that appropriate, and to be honest, it seems a little out of touch.
But sometimes, a small celebration for a new grandparent might be okay.
On the other hand, grandparents are an important part of a family. If they’re planning to play an integral role in the baby’s life or live far away, a small celebration might be okay. As National etiquette expert Diane Gottsman states in an article by Wyndi Kappes for The Bump, “Maybe the grandparent will be a vital part of the first few months or watch the baby for the first year. It can be a nice gesture from the people in their life who want to acknowledge that new chapter.”
DeeDee Moore, founder of More Than Grand and our go-to for all things grandparenting, weighed in on the subject on TikTok.
“Traditionally, a shower is thrown to help provide a young couple with the things that they can’t afford themselves. It’s harder to justify a shower for a grandmother who can likely afford most of the things she needs and probably won’t need that many things to begin with,” she says.
If it’s something you are considering or if someone has offered to host for you, Moore has a couple of guidelines that’ll keep it respectful for everyone in the family.
Ask the mom-to-be first.
Your daughter or daughter-in-law should be consulted first, by you, the grandparent, or by the people asking to host a shower. This is especially important if there is no shower in the works for the expectant mother. If she doesn’t have a problem with it, then accepting a quiet lunch or afternoon gathering with friends is fine. If she does express concern, the right thing to do is drop the grandma shower altogether.
Consider the issue of gifts.
Baby shower gifts are about making sure new parents have everything they need before the baby comes home, especially the expensive items like car seats, strollers, bassinets, diaper supplies, etc. Unless you’re going to be a caretaker for the baby, there really isn’t anything you need that the parents won’t bring with them when the baby comes to visit.
While there are divided opinions on the topic of grandma showers, most people tend to think it’s unnecessary, a call for attention, and some even claim it’s downright narcissistic. And while we are absolutely champions of all things grandparents, in this situation, it might be best to leave the celebrations for the new parents.