When your child misbehaves or acts out, you give them a consequence so they learn not to repeat that bad behavior, right? Well, according to one parenting coach, you might be doing this all wrong.
Dr. Chelsey Hauge-Zavaleta took to her TikTok to explain the one big mistake so many parents unintentionally make when it comes to consequences: making them “unnatural and illogical.”
@drchelsey_parenting #drchelsey #positiveparenting #attunement #consciousparenting #guidingcooperation #parentcoach #brainbasedparenting #childdevelopment #parentingtips #nervoussystem #supports #consequences
Some examples: grounding your child for failing a test or taking away screen time because they ran away at the park.
On the flip side, she shares some examples of natural and logical consequences, saying, “Kid throws truck—Oh, looks like trucks are too tricky for today. Trucks are all done. We can try them tomorrow.”
Another one: “Kids are fighting in the car—slowly pull over. Be silent. Say, ‘I drive when everybody is calm and quiet.’ Don’t say anything else. You can start driving again when they’re calm and quiet.”
One more: “Kids are fighting over what show to watch—Oh, looks like shows are too tricky for today. I’ll take the remote. Let’s try again after dinner.”
Hauge-Zavaleta adds, “Notice that with each natural and logical consequence, I say it as soon as things start to go sideways, and I’m doing that in significant part so that I can stay regulated. Your capacity to stay regulated and calm when giving a natural consequence is 99% of the success.”
She does acknowledge that this can be tough for parents, especially when you’re “exhausted and at the end of your rope.” And when you make a mistake and give an unnatural and illogical consequence, it’s OK to acknowledge it—”Mama got a little crabby!”—and switch to a natural consequence. At the end of the day, even that’s more effective.