While aimlessly scrolling through your social media feeds (which parent hasn’t gone down a rabbit hole of reels), at one point or another, the algorithm probably landed you knee-deep in content about parenting styles: Helicopter parenting, gentle parenting, attachment parenting, snowplow parenting, and the list goes on. The latest to break the internet? FAFO parenting.
If you aren’t familiar with the acronym, it’s short for “f*** around and find out”—and whether it’s just another TikTok trend or a label people are applying to what is essentially trying to survive the daily grind, FAFO parenting is having a moment. We’re breaking down exactly what it is, the pros and cons, and when it might be okay to use in your home.
What is the FAFO parenting style?
The name might be trending, but the principals are not. After all, we grew up in the ‘80s and ‘90s, and our parents understood the concept of “hands-off” parenting very well. The basic explanation is that FAFO parenting allows children to experience natural consequences with minimal intervention from parents. Less micromanaging every situation, more stepping back and letting nature take its course. Does that mean you’ll let the kids run out into traffic? No. Will you let them leave the house without wearing a jacket on a cold day? Sure. (And since you’re a parent, you’ll quietly bring one for the inevitable moment when they realize they’ve made a huge mistake and ask for it.)
In a recent TikTok, Dr. Becky, a well-known parenting expert and mom of three, discusses the phenomenon. “I think there’s this theme of, I don’t want to be involved in every aspect of my child’s emotional life. I don’t want to feel like I’m responsible for being a perfect parent in every moment. I am exhausted. I am overwhelmed with advice. I am overwhelmed with information,” she explains.
But like any parenting style, there’s a time and a place, and letting our kids fall victim to their own lack of experience is only okay in certain situations.
In general, here’s when it’s okay to use FAFO parenting
It’s about determining when it’s okay for kids to face natural consequences, which, in turn, allows them to develop critical thinking and cause-and-effect skills. Tamara Glen Soles, PhD, and founder of The Secure Child Centre for Families and Children, explains in Parents, “If a child doesn’t eat, they will be hungry. That may be uncomfortable, but for one meal or snack, it is certainly not unsafe. Being rude to a friend may mean that the friend no longer wants to play with them, but pushing or hurting a friend is unsafe behavior for which natural consequences wouldn’t apply.”
Examples of good times for FAFO:
They refuse to wear pants in 40-degree weather. They go to school in shorts, get pretty chilly at recess, and think about how nice it would be if their legs were covered. Lesson learned.
They forget their homework packet, backpack, water bottle, etc., after you’ve reminded them at least 10 times to grab it from the hook or kitchen. They’ll survive the day and whatever consequences come from forgetting their gear.
Examples of bad times for FAFO:
When they’re tired, overwhelmed, or dysregulated. Let’s be honest, no one, not even adults, makes good decisions when we’re hangry, tired, or dealing with so many things that they can’t see straight. Kids can’t be expected to do it, either.
When they’re putting themselves in danger, like getting too close to a busy street, around a hot stove or fireplace, or near a body of water if they can’t swim. That’s not hands-off parenting, it’s negligence.
Pros and cons of FAFO parenting
Pro: The hands-off approach requires a lot less maintenance than other parenting methods, which is a win for you and the kids, who suffer when they’re sheltered from every potential discomfort.
Con: This type of parenting isn’t ideal for young kids who don’t understand the concept of risk and consequences.
Pro: It allows kids to feel empowered in their capabilities. If they don’t feel comfortable making decisions and understanding boundaries, it’ll be a detriment to their growth as human beings when they leave the nest.
Con: It’s not a one-size-fits-all method because it doesn’t work in every situation, especially in potentially dangerous ones. So it’s important for parents to understand when it makes sense.
Whether or not the FAFO parenting trend will stick around remains to be seen, but the ideas behind it aren’t going anywhere. Allowing your kids to make safe mistakes is one of the best ways to nurture resilience, creativity, and emotional intelligence—some of the most important tools for kids to succeed in life.