The 3-Minute Game That Instantly Improves Relationships

It’s sadly common to feel disconnected from the people we rely on most. Between endless to-do lists and shuttling kids and jobs, you and your partner can easily turn into ships passing in the night. Relationships require work, and sometimes putting in the time (what time? Who has time?) can seem overwhelming.

But what if just a few minutes could make a big difference? Psychologist Dr. John Gottman has spent more than 50 years studying marital stability and divorce prediction. His research revealed that one of the top reasons relationships end is contempt, or criticism with a strong undercurrent of superiority. In everyday interactions, this can take the form of cruel humor and sarcasm, name-calling, or negative body language, like eye-rolling and snickering. It conveys disgust and resentment (sometimes thinly veiled; other times, in a very direct fashion) and tends to snowball, leading to more and more toxic exchanges. To combat contempt, Gottman explains, partners need to share gratitude for each other.

“Giving appreciation is one of the most powerful ways to connect with those around us,” says Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman—fellow clinical psychologist and—checks notes—John’s wife (it makes sense that relationship experts would be in this together). “After all, we love to hear good things about ourselves and to be seen for the good we do in the world. Appreciation draws us closer to those who appreciate us, and in turn, when we give appreciation, we draw ourselves closer to those we love. It’s caring for ourselves by being loving.”

To get in the habit of sharing gratitude, Gottman developed an easy game that partners can play in just three minutes: Gratitude Tennis. Silicon Valley entrepreneur Matt Schnuck recently went viral on X for his explanation of the praise-based challenge:

Rules:

1. Player one serves up something they are grateful for.

2. Player 2 must “return” the gratitude with something they are grateful for.

3. Repeat “serving” gratitudes back to all the players until the 3-min timer goes off. pic.twitter.com/939GLA7wMi

— Matt Schnuck (@mattschnuck) November 22, 2023

Here’s how the game plays out:

Start a timer for 3 minutes.
Player 1 starts by sharing something they are grateful for.
The turn passes to player 2 who shares something they are grateful for.
Play continues back and forth until the time runs out.

The idea is that when you share something about your partner that you are grateful for, you are building them up, recognizing their strengths, and acknowledging what they contribute to your relationship. Gratitude Tennis may feel a bit forced, but the goal is to get you into the habit of acknowledging gratitude for your partner so that it becomes part of your everyday life.

While this game is designed with romantic couples in mind, we can see it being something that could be done with the whole family, by going around the dinner table and sharing something about each person for which you’re super thankful.

Studies have shown that gratitude enhances dopamine and serotonin, the neurotransmitters responsible for happiness. It’s also especially important to focus on gratitude around the holidays when consumerism (and the dreadful haves/have-nots) can take over. If you’re looking for a few simple ways to teach kids gratitude, you can:

model saying “please” and “thank you”
gift experience instead of things
find opportunities to give back to the community
discuss “needs” versus “wants”
turn holiday gifting into a way to give back

As always, it’s the little things that add up to monumental change. Whether it’s serving praise to your partner or introducing a new family-wide tradition, three minutes—or a simple act of kindness—can go a long way.

84 Comments

  1. Very good information. Lucky me I discovered your blog
    by chance (stumbleupon). I’ve saved it for later!

    meilleur casino en ligne
    Hi! This is kind of off topic but I need some help from an established blog.
    Is it hard to set up your own blog? I’m not very
    techincal but I can figure things out pretty
    quick. I’m thinking about making my own but I’m not sure where
    to start. Do you have any tips or suggestions? Many thanks
    casino en ligne
    Good day! I could have sworn I’ve been to this website before but after reading through some of the post I realized it’s new to me.

    Anyhow, I’m definitely happy I found it and I’ll be book-marking and checking back often!
    casino en ligne
    Superb post however I was wanting to know if you could write a litte more on this subject?
    I’d be very thankful if you could elaborate a little bit further.
    Bless you!
    casino en ligne
    It is in point of fact a great and useful piece of
    information. I am happy that you just shared this useful information with us.
    Please keep us up to date like this. Thank you for sharing.

    casino en ligne francais
    Good day! Do you know if they make any plugins to help with SEO?

    I’m trying to get my blog to rank for some targeted keywords but I’m not seeing very good success.

    If you know of any please share. Many thanks!
    meilleur casino en ligne
    Hi there! This is my first comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out
    and say I genuinely enjoy reading your blog posts.
    Can you suggest any other blogs/websites/forums
    that cover the same topics? Thanks for your time!

    casino en ligne
    We are a group of volunteers and opening a new scheme in our community.
    Your site offered us with useful information to work on. You have performed a formidable job and our entire neighborhood
    will likely be grateful to you.
    casino en ligne
    Thank you for the good writeup. It in reality used to be a leisure account it.

    Glance complex to more delivered agreeable from you!
    However, how can we be in contact?
    casino en ligne
    Fastidious answers in return of this matter with solid arguments and
    describing all about that.
    casino en ligne francais

  7. Incredible! This blog looks exactly like
    my old one! It’s on a completely different subject but it has pretty much the same layout and design. Superb choice of colors!

    legiano

  12. Heya i am for the primary time here. I found this board and I to find It really
    useful & it helped me out much. I’m hoping to present something again and aid others such
    as you aided me.
    casinoly

  15. I’m now not positive the place you’re getting
    your info, however great topic. I needs to spend some time finding out much more or understanding
    more. Thank you for excellent info I was searching for this information for my mission.
    playzilla

  24. Good day! This is kind of off topic but I need
    some help from an established blog. Is it very difficult to
    set up your own blog? I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty
    fast. I’m thinking about making my own but I’m not sure where to begin.
    Do you have any ideas or suggestions? With thanks
    Persebaya Surabaya

  25. What’s up to every one, the contents present at this website
    are genuinely awesome for people experience, well, keep up the nice work fellows.

    8xbet

  27. I’ll immediately grab your rss feed as I can’t find your e-mail subscription link or newsletter service. Do you have any? Kindly let me realize so that I could subscribe. Thanks.

  28. It’s perfect time to make some plans for the future and it’s time to be happy. I’ve read this post and if I could I want to suggest you few interesting things or tips. Maybe you could write next articles referring to this article. I want to read even more things about it!

  30. I really like what you guys are usually up too. This kind of clever work and reporting! Keep up the superb works guys I’ve included you guys to our blogroll.

  31. all the time i used to read smaller content that also clear their motive, and that is
    also happening with this paragraph which I am reading now.

    bet 4

  32. Hello there! I could have sworn I’ve been to this blog before but
    after checking through some of the post I realized it’s new to me.

    Nonetheless, I’m definitely glad I found it and I’ll be book-marking and checking back frequently!

    ggbet

  33. Its like you read my mind! You seem to know so much about this, like you wrote the book in it
    or something. I think that you can do with some pics to drive the message
    home a little bit, but other than that, this is magnificent blog.
    A fantastic read. I’ll certainly be back.
    8800 bet

  35. Good day! Do you know if they make any plugins to assist with Search
    Engine Optimization? I’m trying to get my blog to rank for
    some targeted keywords but I’m not seeing very good results.
    If you know of any please share. Many thanks!
    https://doce-88.com

  39. you’re really a just right webmaster. The web site loading speed is incredible.
    It kind of feels that you are doing any distinctive trick.
    Moreover, The contents are masterwork. you have done a magnificent process in this topic!

    https://bet77-88.com

  40. Greetings, I think your web site might be having internet browser compatibility problems.

    When I look at your site in Safari, it looks fine however when opening in Internet Explorer,
    it’s got some overlapping issues. I simply wanted to give you a quick heads up!
    Aside from that, excellent site!
    cbet

  41. Hi there just wanted to give you a quick heads up. The text in your content seem to be running off the screen in Internet explorer. I’m not sure if this is a format issue or something to do with internet browser compatibility but I thought I’d post to let you know. The design and style look great though! Hope you get the issue resolved soon. Many thanks

  43. I was recommended this website by my cousin. I’m not
    sure whether this post is written by him as no one else
    know such detailed about my difficulty. You are amazing!
    Thanks!
    bet7

  44. Hello! I know this is somewhat off topic but I was wondering if
    you knew where I could locate a captcha plugin for my comment form?
    I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m
    having problems finding one? Thanks a lot!
    https://hwbet-br.com

  46. I think this is one of the such a lot significant information for me.
    And i am happy reading your article. However wanna commentary on few common things, The site taste is perfect, the
    articles is in point of fact great : D. Good job, cheers
    https://leao-88.com

  48. Hello, Neat post. There is a problem along with your site
    in internet explorer, might check this? IE still is the market chief and a good section of other folks will leave out your fantastic writing due to this problem.

    https://pgwin-88.com

  49. Hey there just wanted to give you a quick heads up. The text in your article seem to be running off the screen in Chrome. I’m not sure if this is a format issue or something to do with browser compatibility but I thought I’d post to let you know. The design look great though! Hope you get the problem resolved soon. Thanks

  50. I enjoy what you guys tend to be up too. This type of clever work and reporting! Keep up the superb works guys I’ve included you guys to my own blogroll.

  51. Hey! Someone in my Facebook group shared this website with us so I came to take a look. I’m definitely enjoying the information. I’m book-marking and will be tweeting this to my followers! Superb blog and outstanding design and style.

  52. Hello! Someone in my Myspace group shared this site with us so I came to take a look. I’m definitely loving the information. I’m book-marking and will be tweeting this to my followers! Exceptional blog and terrific design and style.

  53. I was recommended this web site by my cousin. I’m not sure whether this post is written by him as no one else know such detailed about my trouble.

    You are incredible! Thanks!
    pinnacle

  54. Hey there just wanted to give you a quick heads up. The words in your article seem to be running off the screen in Chrome. I’m not sure if this is a format issue or something to do with internet browser compatibility but I figured I’d post to let you know. The style and design look great though! Hope you get the issue fixed soon. Cheers

  55. Hello just wanted to give you a quick heads up. The words in your article seem to be running off the screen in Opera. I’m not sure if this is a formatting issue or something to do with web browser compatibility but I figured I’d post to let you know. The design and style look great though! Hope you get the problem solved soon. Cheers

  56. Admiring the commitment you put into your blog and in depth information you offer.
    It’s nice to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same out of date rehashed material.
    Excellent read! I’ve bookmarked your site and I’m
    including your RSS feeds to my Google account.
    https://dobrowin55.com

  60. Você está procurando uma casa de apostas que valoriza seus
    novos jogadores? Então a https://bet-365-br.com é perfeita para você.
    Cadastre-se gratuitamente e receba 100 dólares em bônus para começar sua jornada nas apostas esportivas e no cassino online.
    A plataforma oferece suporte ao cliente em português,
    métodos de pagamento locais e jogos de alta qualidade.
    Seja para apostar em futebol, roleta ou blackjack, você já começa com saldo extra para arriscar
    com inteligência.

  61. A https://939-bet-br.com está entre as casas
    de apostas que mais crescem no Brasil, e agora
    está oferecendo um bônus de 100 dólares para novos usuários.
    Basta fazer seu cadastro gratuito e o valor estará disponível para você apostar como quiser.

    É a oportunidade perfeita para quem quer experimentar uma plataforma completa, com diversos mercados
    esportivos e uma área de cassino moderna. Aproveite essa oferta e entre com o pé direito no mundo das apostas online.

  62. A experiência no app da esportenet é incomparável.
    Baixe agora mesmo e descubra uma interface fluida.

    Atualizações constantes garantem desempenho superior. Jogue pôquer, roleta,
    caça-níqueis e muito mais com um simples toque.

  66. Ganhe 100 dólares de bônus ao criar sua conta
    na 522bet e comece apostando com muito mais confiança.

    Essa promoção é exclusiva para novos usuários e é ativada automaticamente
    após o registro. Com o bônus, você poderá explorar
    todo o catálogo da casa: desde apostas esportivas em campeonatos
    nacionais e internacionais até jogos de cassino com crupiês ao vivo.
    Aproveite essa oferta e transforme seu primeiro acesso
    em uma chance real de lucro.

  68. A cnc bet
    está recebendo novos apostadores com uma oferta imperdível: cadastre-se hoje e ganhe automaticamente 100 dólares em bônus para apostar em seus jogos favoritos.
    São centenas de opções entre esportes, cassino
    ao vivo, caça-níqueis e muito mais. Com esse bônus, você tem a chance de testar a plataforma sem arriscar o
    próprio dinheiro. Aproveite essa vantagem para novos usuários e
    descubra por que a cnc bet é uma das casas de apostas mais confiáveis do mercado.

  70. Starting at lodi777 has never been easier! New users get a $100 bonus just for registering. Once you create your account and log in, your bonus will be waiting for you to use on your favorite games. From live betting to slots, the bonus will help you make the most of your gaming experience. Sign up now and get started!

  72. nbet mang đến ưu đãi hấp dẫn cho người chơi mới: nhận ngay 100$
    tiền thưởng khi nạp lần đầu. Với kho trò chơi khổng lồ từ cá cược thể thao, casino trực tuyến đến slot game,
    bạn sẽ có vô vàn lựa chọn giải trí. Giao dịch nhanh chóng, bảo mật
    an toàn, https://nbet-vn.com là địa chỉ lý tưởng để bạn thử vận may và giành chiến thắng lớn. Đăng
    ký ngay để không bỏ lỡ khuyến mãi hot này!

  74. Trải nghiệm dịch vụ khách hàng chuyên nghiệp tại suncity với đội
    ngũ hỗ trợ 24/7, luôn sẵn sàng phục vụ bạn. Mọi thắc mắc về nạp/rút tiền, tài
    khoản hay chương trình khuyến mãi đều được giải quyết nhanh chóng
    qua live chat, email hoặc hotline. Đăng ký ngay tại https://suncity-vn.com để nhận được sự chăm sóc tận tình, kịp thời.

  77. Tham gia zowin thật đơn giản! Chỉ cần đăng ký tài khoản mới trong vài phút là
    bạn đã có thể bắt đầu trải nghiệm.
    Truy cập trang web, nhấn “Đăng ký”, điền các thông tin như họ tên, email, mật khẩu.
    Sau khi kích hoạt tài khoản, bạn có thể đăng nhập dễ dàng.
    Đặc biệt, khi nạp lần đầu, bạn sẽ nhận ngay 100$ tiền thưởng.

    Đừng bỏ lỡ cơ hội hấp dẫn này tại https://zowin-vn.com!

  79. Để rút tiền từ km88, bạn cần hoàn tất các bước xác minh tài khoản. Chuẩn bị các giấy tờ như CMND/CCCD, ảnh chụp thẻ ngân hàng hoặc sao kê.
    Sau khi gửi và xác thực thành công, bạn có thể rút tiền bất cứ lúc nào.
    dabet đảm bảo giao dịch an toàn, bảo
    mật thông tin người chơi tuyệt đối.
    Tiền sẽ về tài khoản ngân hàng hoặc ví điện tử trong vòng vài
    phút, không lo bị trì hoãn.

  80. To withdraw funds from https://phcash-ph.com, you need to provide key documents
    such as a government-issued ID, proof of address (utility
    bill), and payment method verification. These documents verify your
    identity and prevent fraud. With https://phcash-ph.com’s secure encryption and protection methods, you can rest
    assured that your funds are safe during the entire withdrawal process.

  81. Have you ever thought about adding a little bit more than just your articles?
    I mean, what you say is valuable and all. Nevertheless think of if
    you added some great visuals or videos to give your posts more, “pop”!
    Your content is excellent but with images and videos, this site could definitely
    be one of the most beneficial in its niche. Good blog!

  82. If you want to increase your familiarity only keep visiting this site and be updated with the most recent news update posted here.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *