Grandparents. They’ve been there, done that. And though it’s been a minute, they like to share their thoughts on raising kids—a lot. Words of wisdom can be helpful and appreciated, but let’s be honest, a constant barrage of “tips” and passive-aggressive hints from anyone who’s ever had a baby is more likely to send new parents running for earplugs. In a recent TikTok, DeeDee Moore, founder of More Than Grand LLC, a helpful resource for new grandparents, offers a great solution that’ll help grands offer useful advice (when appropriate!) and maintain a good flow of communication between families.
@morethangrand Advice from grandparents can be helpful–but only if it’s useful and wanted. Save this for next time you are tempted to give advice to new parents, and see if it passes these three tests. Often, the best way to help parents is to let them figure it out on their own. Want more suggestions about how to truly support new parents? Sign up for our emails to get weekly tips, inspiration, and links to resources for supportive, involved grandparents. Follow the link in my profile to sign up now! #grandparents #grandparent #CommunicationTips #GrandparentsLove #AdultChildren #NewGrandparent #newgrandparents #newgrandma #Grandparenting #grannytok #HealthyBoundaries #Boomer #EffectiveCommunication #GentleGrandparenting
Related: Pediatrician Grandma Shares Important Message All Grandparents Should Hear
Three questions grandparents should ask themselves before offering parenting advice to their adult children:
1. Was I asked for this input?
“If parents haven’t specifically asked for your opinion, they may not be open to receiving it, no matter how valuable you think it is,” says Moore. This one is important because, honestly, very few people are huge fans of unsolicited advice.
2. Is this about safety or preference?
If a grandparent is up to date on recalls and safety regulations, then by all means, bring on the advice. But tossing out adages about how you did it when you were raising your kids might not receive a warm welcome. “Safety concerns might warrant speaking up, but preferences like how they dress the baby or which foods they introduce first are their domain,” explains Moore.
3. What’s my real motivation?
“Be honest with yourself. Are you trying to be helpful, or are you trying to show your expertise, or even assert control?” says Moore. This one is tough, but so, so essential. Putting your ego aside and practicing humility is difficult for anyone.
“Knowing when and how to give advice can transform your relationship with your adult children and help you become the supportive grandparent they need,” concludes Moore.
And it’s true, we do need grandparents for love and support. But when it comes to advice, it’s best to let your kids start the conversation.